Well, why not?

Holy crap, we’re halfway through February already. That just means I’m three weeks away from finishing that pain-in-my-ass project and I can focus on the things I want to work on and play with.

You don’t even want to know what the beginning of last looked liked for me. Trying to balance life and your heart’s creative desires has been, at times, a horrible tug-of-war. I was ready to go homicidal. Then my period showed up. Well, that would be explain the intense homicidal leanings. But it doesn’t explain away the fact I was still having a horrible tug-of-war.

As I write this, I’m taking myself away from my heart’s creative desires. Yeah, that won’t do for long. I’ll probably be less homicidal next month. Until then, what do I do to deal with the tug-of-war? I take on more fun stuff related to writing. I can’t really what my plans are but rest assured, it’s my way of digging in my heels and setting the foundation for the writing life I want. And that means letting go of commitments I don’t want to carry anymore and taking on commitments I want while scaring myself creatively at the same time.

I haven’t gotten to the point where I’ll ask myself ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ I’m at the point where I’m going ‘well, why the fuck not?’ It’s a notorious attitude that has given me some of my most memorable moments. I must be in memorable moment mode. Quite honestly, I’m happy to be in that frame of mind where I’m pursuing things that excite me as a creator.

Aside from the writing, after a little over ten years, I’m going to have a fur baby in the home again. A lovely 2-1/2 year old cat. She’s not here yet but the adoption papers were signed yesterday afternoon at the shelter. She needs her vet check before she can be released. So with any luck, I’ll pick her up Tuesday afternoon after the vet sees her and gives her the green light.

It’s taken me a long time to screw up enough nerve to have another furball running around the home. I won’t ever discuss my reasons here because it’s intensely personal. I must be ready if I signed the papers.

I’m excited for her to be part of my life and to be a part of hers.

Brave, mad and happy

There’s a fine line between brave and mad. But whatever I do, I go for it — Viv Albertine

Everything that has given me nothing but joy came from the simple and seemingly harmless thought of ‘why not?’

That however, does not include romantic relationships. I attribute those to sheer stupidity stemming from a boat load of insecurities. If I had been saner, I would have never entered into any of those relationships. That’s just the god-honest truth. I don’t particularly give a fuck if any of my exes are offended by this statement. I’m sure they wished they had never met me either.

Anyway, I try to straddle the line between brave and mad with regards to my passions. Depending what it is, I think I fall into mad territory more often than not. I think I start out brave, then I just fall into utter madness.

Right now, I might be falling into utter madness with my writing. There are works-in-progress that I’m excited about tackling. None of them, however, are the long-term projects I had been thinking about. For now, the stories I plan to tackle have nothing to do with traditional publishing.

As a friend pointed out to me last night as we were messaging each other about her current work-in-progress, I’m re-prioritizing. She’s not wrong. I have been re-prioritizing for a long time. In baby steps. It’s only now, this year, that I’m kicking those changes into overdrive and making them as much as a reality as I can.

Throughout our lives, we’re always re-prioritizing what’s important to us. There’s a fluidity to life that we have to follow. Not following it will only lead to more grief than we care to handle. I can’t stay where I’m at. There’s no growth. I’m being challenged for all the wrong reasons and not the right ones. That’s what I’m re-prioritizing for. To be challenged for the right reasons. And to continue growing.

Me being stagnant is a very bad idea. Bad things happen.

Re-prioritizing, for me, also means redefining what it means to wear the mantle of ‘writer’ comfortably and without feeling apologetic that I am a writer. But I wear the mantle of ‘storyteller’ proudly. It might be semantics but I do differentiate the two words.

I’m more interested in honing the craft of storytelling than spinning my wheels trying to figure out my next book. Try too hard and the wheels keep spinning until you’re burning rubber for no good reason. I also believe some of the things that keep me from working on the next book will be found in working on other stories and being around other creative souls.

It might also be my brain engaging in self-preservation. When you devoted a good chunk of time to writing a novel, you sometimes don’t realize how much your brain wants to decompress and have fun. That’s what I’m doing now. Decompressing by having fun with the writing I’m currently working on.

There is still lots of bravery and madness to be found in what I’m doing now. It’s available by the boat loads. It’s something I gladly take on because nothing else makes me happier.

Change is afoot

I would like to start off with an apology to those who expecting a new blog post last week. But given usual amount of traffic I get for this blog, I’m going to take a wild guess that nobody really noticed.

To be honest, I’m not bothered by that probability. This blog was created for my amusement and to keep writing when other aspects of my writing were (for various reasons) at a standstill. This blog wasn’t created to build followers.

It turns out, that I’ve been busy writing since my second book, Risk, came out last November.

No, I’m not working on another book just yet. But I have a bunch of ‘little’ creative projects and a collaboration with an illustrator/artist who lives on the other side of the world that will keep me busy for this year.

I’m starting to build the writing life I’ve been wanting to live. Is it going bring in extra income? I don’t think so. It would be nice but that’s not the endgame for me. I’m doing this because it makes my creative soul happy.

Creating that life includes making some changes. To start, I’ll be posting bi-weekly here. Posting weekly isn’t working for me anymore. But I don’t want to let this site gather dust, so we’ll see how posting bi-weekly goes.

Another change I want to make hasn’t been implemented yet. By mid-April, a number of folks at a non-profit organization I volunteer for, will have to start looking for my replacement. I love this organization but it’s time for a change. My goals simply don’t match up with their goals anymore. Something else is calling me and I have to follow.

So, there you go. I’m off to build a writing life I plan to inhabit. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.