Can’t make this sh*t up, folks

I’m sure everyone has heard the sayings ‘you can’t make up shit like this’, ‘fact is stranger than fiction’ or some other phrase that shares the same sentiment.

Well, this week I am presenting a ‘you can’t make up shit like this’ story for your entertainment.

It started out innocently enough. Flew out to Toronto last Friday to catch the Game of Thrones live concert experience, featuring the show’s music composer, Ramin Djawadi. The show was held Saturday at Air Canada Centre. Great show, by the way. I went to see the concert because first and foremost, I love Djawadi’s compositions. The Game of Thrones angle? An afterthought, for me. Should he ever decide to do this again, perhaps after the series ends, I will see him again. Maybe by then, I’ll have watched the entire series. But I wouldn’t hold my breath on that.

I’ve admitted before that I have not seen one episode of Game of Thrones. It still holds true. I still haven’t gotten around to seeing the series. There are too many quality TV programs and great films to watch. There’s too much reading I need to do. Then, there’s life that keeps moving along whether or not you want it to. It’s a heck of a juggling act.

The show weaved the music with some of the show’s most talked-about scenes and spotlighted some of their most compelling and enigmatic characters. I gotta say I’m definitely intrigued by the show. My soft spot for dragons has been strengthened and I may have developed a bit of bloodlust while experiencing the show. There were some powerful moments during the concert — potent enough for me to get a little teary-eyed at least three times. That is the power of marrying images and music together.

The audience — maybe 99.9% were hardcore fans — was into the whole experience. Cheers, screams, unsolicited advice for the poor bastard who dies in the next clip, could be heard quite heartily throughout the arena. It was pretty funny. Even the dude selling popcorn got into it before the show started. He spoke as if he were from the fictional world of Westeros. Gotta use what’s at your disposal to sell popcorn, right?

I snagged a couple of t-shirts at one of the merchandise tables. Fingers crossed that they don’t shrink after being washed. But I’m pretty careful with my clothes so I think they’ll be okay.

So, the evening was a visual feast and I left feeling good about the whole live concert experience. Up to that point, nothing about the evening was ever in contention to own the phrase ‘you can’t make up shit like this.’

So, let me tell you my first ever ‘you can’t make up shit like this’ story. I’m kind of channelling Ben Mendelsohn because that man has a great delivery and has the best burst-out-laugh ever.

It started with me arriving back to the hotel (which shall remain unnamed) after the concert. It was after 11 pm on a Saturday night. I had skipped a full dinner because I was having tummy troubles. I did manage to eat a protein bar before the concert started.

Of course, by the time I got back in the hotel room, I decided I needed something to eat. Hey, there’s a Tim Horton’s not far from the hotel. So, I wandered back out, grabbed a chicken salad croissant sandwich and headed back to the hotel. The lobby was full of guests just arriving from God-knows-where. Mainly families with small children. Most of them had made their way up to their appointed rooms and the last family just took the last elevator by the time I got back into the lobby.

So, I waited for the next elevator which arrived about 10 seconds later. To be honest, I like having the elevator to myself. More room in an enclosed space. The next time the elevator doors slid open was at the second floor. I wasn’t paying attention and almost bumped into a guy entering the elevator. Didn’t bump into him because I realized it wasn’t my floor. Stopped myself just in time and backed up a couple of steps. We acknowledged each other. He was shirtless. Okay, I thought, he just came from the fitness centre. Peripherally, I noticed he was barefoot. Seen that before. The carpets were pretty clean so his feet probably weren’t all that dirty. Short trip from the second floor to whatever floor his room was located.

He walked into the elevator and I realized the guy was naked as a newborn baby. Seeing a bare-naked ass less than three feet away from you in an elevator is one of those things you don’t count on finding. Well, I found it. The guy had a towel draped over his forearm which concealed the family jewels. I had assumed he was wearing shorts. Silly me. The dude had a nice ass, though. I’ll admit it. He had a shaved head, trimmed facial hair, no discernible tattoos that I were visible to me. He was fit.

I’m impressed that he was pretty casual about his nakedness. Good thing he didn’t take the elevator with the family in it. That would have been awkward. I opted to not gawk at him because that would be plain rude. Kept my eyes on the elevator doors, looked at the croissant sandwich I was holding with my left hand and kept my right hand in my coat pocket.

Keeping it casual after 11 pm on a Saturday night in an elevator.

His floor was above mine if you were wondering which floor he was staying on. Or… maybe he was visiting someone on the floor above and his room is actually on the second floor. So many ways this could go. The imagination will run rampant if you let it.

I’m positive there wasn’t a sauna listed as a hotel feature for guests. There is a fitness centre and a boardroom located on the second floor. I’m just a little baffled as to why he would be going about his business in his birthday suit.

Was I offended by his casual nakedness? Nope. My mother would have been if she was there. Not me. I’m just surprised that I get to tell a story like this because it actually happened to me. This is hilarious. You hear strange stories from friends and acquaintances, and depending how strange the story is, you either wished it had happened to you or wished it would never ever happen to you.

I’m thinking I’m the only one out of my friends who has shared an elevator with a naked man. And I am now part of the ‘strange, but true’ club. If I ever need to break the ice at a party, I’ll just pull this ditty out of my pocket and share.

Call me strange but I consider sharing an elevator with a naked man one of life’s interesting highlights.