Spinning my wheels

I’m restless. An energy is simmering in me, waiting to boil over. The wheels are spinning but they’re going nowhere.

Sure, I could keep busy with the everyday mundane but necessary bits of life. However, that’s just maintenance.

Maintenance, while necessary, can be really fucking boring. A major non-writing project was completed last Monday. But my commitment to the organization which is connected to the project, isn’t quite done yet. So, I’m in a bit of a limbo waiting for some elements to come my way to finish designing a smaller but final project for them. I’m hoping to be done in a couple of days.

I think I’m restless partly because it’s Spring. Being the transitional season it is, spring gets your brain out of winter to start preparing for summer. The non-writing project, which happens to be an annual gig, also happens to mark that transition for me. It signals that I will soon be free to dive back into the personal projects that ring true to my heart.

But knowing that doesn’t keep me from getting antsy and wanting to break free and run away somewhere with my fictional characters to spend some quality time with them. Well, I’m out of the winter phase, goddammit. And as much as I appreciate spring, I need to be in summer phase, to be in a more unencumbered, productive frame of mind.

The restlessness might also be partly due to some sort of delayed cabin fever. I’m itching to get out of my physical environment and wander off to parts unknown or parts I need to revisit. It’s more than wanting to be in another part of the country. It’s more like needing to be on another part of the continent or the other side of the planet.

Shed the things that want to define me as something I’m not. Get out from under some sort of oppressive weight. I need to be around people who naturally re-energize me. God knows I’m around enough energy-sucking vampires to know I need a break. There aren’t that many vampires around because I kicked a bunch of them out of my life. But the ones that remain can be really trying. We all have those vampires in our lives, right? And sometimes, having a wooden stake just sitting in your hand feels good, right?

This is what happens when I don’t spend enough time with my writing. Everything feels oppressive and I’m close to climbing the walls.

As you can see, I need to re-direct the restlessness and refocus. I need to get back to the writing process. That’s what it will take for me to settle down and feel grounded.

I’m tugging on the restraints big time and my characters are sorely tempted to grab a pair of bolt cutters and free me. But I’ve told them to wait a little longer. They actually do listening when they’re not barreling around like mad lunatics vying for my attention.

Soon, everything will fall away. Soon, everything will fall into place.

Forever restless

I stayed out of the sun when I was young, not because I knew better, but because I’m a Type A personality who gets too restless to lay around and do nothing — Georgette Mosbacher

As one season transitions into the next, I always find myself restless. Certain seasons tend to amplify the restlessness and wanderlust more than others. Depending on how I feel, fall / autumn is the best or worst season for me. More often than not it’s the best season for me.

In winter, I like being cocooned at home and work on stuff like writing, reading whatever I can get my hands on and anything else that might have been neglected when spring and summer rolled around. I hear the acoustic guitar grumbling at me. Not in a judgmental way. Just feeling a little neglected. Sorry, amigo. The restlessness is very manageable during winter.

As winter recedes and spring inches forward, the restlessness is channelled into getting the vegetable garden ready, making sure the push mower blades get sharpened and adjusted. Not to mention the non-home-related stuff I’m annually committed to working on. I’ve always referred to spring as the busy season.

With summer, I do the usual homeowner stuff like mow the lawn and tend to the vegetable garden. But this summer, I wasn’t too keen on one thing. Too much rain from spring to summer fucked up my vegetable garden. I know I wasn’t alone in this frustration. Some folks had the same issues while others didn’t have too many problems. Luck of the draw, throw on the dice, I guess. But do have to say that this was the first year I harvested Saskatoon berries and the apple tree had a very good summer. Still, it was too much rain. There is always next summer for the vegetable garden.

Then there is autumn. I love autumn. It’s when everything to do with the yard winds down and gets prepped for winter. The vegetable garden will be cleared out and the shrubs cut back before the end of October and I get to leave everything alone. Doing all this stuff doesn’t alleviate my restlessness, though. It probably makes it worse. Because I don’t have to tend to the yard or worry about the garden, my brain or my gut, or both, want to get into ‘Let’s get the fuck out of here and do something fun’ mode.

‘Let’s get the fuck out of here and do something fun’ can mean a number of things.

1) Wanderlust has seeped into my bones and I need a break from everything to shake loose the useless crap that has been swimming in my head and reboot, re-focus and reinforce the work I’m doing on my personal projects, for example, my writing.

2) I really need to do the odd fun thing just to break up the everyday monotony. Axe throwing looks mighty tempting.

3) With regards to my short-story-turned-novel, there is a part of me that just wants to start writing again even though I’m not done with the research I need to do for it. I think my two main characters who I affectionately refer to as my boys, are getting a little rambunctious and in need of my attention.

Well, I’m looking to address these three things this fall. I just might be chomping at the bit to get to it which can’t come soon enough.

Channelling the restless energy in the most productive and positive way is the best thing I can do for myself. I don’t do willy-nilly or nothing very well. Leaving the energy unchecked and undirected almost always ends up badly for the other people involved.