Brave, mad and happy

There’s a fine line between brave and mad. But whatever I do, I go for it — Viv Albertine

Everything that has given me nothing but joy came from the simple and seemingly harmless thought of ‘why not?’

That however, does not include romantic relationships. I attribute those to sheer stupidity stemming from a boat load of insecurities. If I had been saner, I would have never entered into any of those relationships. That’s just the god-honest truth. I don’t particularly give a fuck if any of my exes are offended by this statement. I’m sure they wished they had never met me either.

Anyway, I try to straddle the line between brave and mad with regards to my passions. Depending what it is, I think I fall into mad territory more often than not. I think I start out brave, then I just fall into utter madness.

Right now, I might be falling into utter madness with my writing. There are works-in-progress that I’m excited about tackling. None of them, however, are the long-term projects I had been thinking about. For now, the stories I plan to tackle have nothing to do with traditional publishing.

As a friend pointed out to me last night as we were messaging each other about her current work-in-progress, I’m re-prioritizing. She’s not wrong. I have been re-prioritizing for a long time. In baby steps. It’s only now, this year, that I’m kicking those changes into overdrive and making them as much as a reality as I can.

Throughout our lives, we’re always re-prioritizing what’s important to us. There’s a fluidity to life that we have to follow. Not following it will only lead to more grief than we care to handle. I can’t stay where I’m at. There’s no growth. I’m being challenged for all the wrong reasons and not the right ones. That’s what I’m re-prioritizing for. To be challenged for the right reasons. And to continue growing.

Me being stagnant is a very bad idea. Bad things happen.

Re-prioritizing, for me, also means redefining what it means to wear the mantle of ‘writer’ comfortably and without feeling apologetic that I am a writer. But I wear the mantle of ‘storyteller’ proudly. It might be semantics but I do differentiate the two words.

I’m more interested in honing the craft of storytelling than spinning my wheels trying to figure out my next book. Try too hard and the wheels keep spinning until you’re burning rubber for no good reason. I also believe some of the things that keep me from working on the next book will be found in working on other stories and being around other creative souls.

It might also be my brain engaging in self-preservation. When you devoted a good chunk of time to writing a novel, you sometimes don’t realize how much your brain wants to decompress and have fun. That’s what I’m doing now. Decompressing by having fun with the writing I’m currently working on.

There is still lots of bravery and madness to be found in what I’m doing now. It’s available by the boat loads. It’s something I gladly take on because nothing else makes me happier.

Change is afoot

I would like to start off with an apology to those who expecting a new blog post last week. But given usual amount of traffic I get for this blog, I’m going to take a wild guess that nobody really noticed.

To be honest, I’m not bothered by that probability. This blog was created for my amusement and to keep writing when other aspects of my writing were (for various reasons) at a standstill. This blog wasn’t created to build followers.

It turns out, that I’ve been busy writing since my second book, Risk, came out last November.

No, I’m not working on another book just yet. But I have a bunch of ‘little’ creative projects and a collaboration with an illustrator/artist who lives on the other side of the world that will keep me busy for this year.

I’m starting to build the writing life I’ve been wanting to live. Is it going bring in extra income? I don’t think so. It would be nice but that’s not the endgame for me. I’m doing this because it makes my creative soul happy.

Creating that life includes making some changes. To start, I’ll be posting bi-weekly here. Posting weekly isn’t working for me anymore. But I don’t want to let this site gather dust, so we’ll see how posting bi-weekly goes.

Another change I want to make hasn’t been implemented yet. By mid-April, a number of folks at a non-profit organization I volunteer for, will have to start looking for my replacement. I love this organization but it’s time for a change. My goals simply don’t match up with their goals anymore. Something else is calling me and I have to follow.

So, there you go. I’m off to build a writing life I plan to inhabit. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.

A promising year

A week into 2019 and I’m still sorting out what the fuck is going to be on my plate this year. So, while I’m sorting that out, the least I could do is reflect back on 2018.

2018 was… good. Really good, if I actually took the time to figure what the highlights were. But more often than not, I get bogged down by the negative things that happened. And that usually falls in the area of personal relationships and I’m not talking about romantic relationships.

Anyway, as I try to not think about the things that soured me, the most obvious ‘good’ thing that happened in 2018 was finishing my book Risk, and self-publishing it. That really took up a chunk of 2018. It was worth it, though.

And as I think about what made me smile in 2018, it would have to be the things that pertain to my fitness level and writing.

In November, I participated in my first CrossFit competition. Yeah, it was in-house at the box where I’m a member. It’s a community that has become important to me not only for my physical fitness but also important for my mental well-being too.

In the latter half of 2018, I found in myself in an online community that has been great at reminding me why I love to write and how much fun it is to create and write.

Let me preface by saying I am not running out of steam where writing is concerned. I have not reached a point where I don’t want to write anymore or need a huge break from writing before I start tapping away at the keyboard again. Far from it.

In previous blog posts, I talked vaguely (and at ad nauseam) about projects I want to tackle for 2019. Those projects are still on the plate. It just seems, I’ve acquired a couple more plates to accommodate the additional writing-related activities I’ve found myself engaging in. And that has a lot to do with the new community I’ve become a part of. These are things I want to do in addition to the two big projects I want to start this year. It keeps the creative juices flowing. I get to experiment and have fun doing it. And whatever I learn from the experiments, I get to apply to the big projects. Win-win all around, in my books.

So, 2019 looks promising on the creativity front. And that is really the biggest thing I’m excited about for this year.

Aside from that, I’m hoping to travel this year and I’m not referring to traveling within the North American continent. I’m kinda done with travelling around Canada. I’ve got wanderlust that goes beyond the borders and beyond this North American land mass. I have a destination in mind so we’ll see if I can pull it off.

Until I figure whether or not, I can visit my destination of choice this year, I have my various writing projects – big ones, small ones and all ambitious for a number of reasons – to keep me happy and busy.