Embracing the voices

People have always heard voices. Sometimes they’re called shamans, sometimes they’re called mad, and sometimes they’re called fiction writers. I always feel lucky that I live in a culture where fiction writing is legal and not seen as pathologyRuth Ozeki

I am a fiction writer.

Yes, I have heard voices — or specifically, I hear the words. Once in awhile, they come to me in my dreams. But that form of communication is rarely used with me. They prefer to come to me in images. Sometimes, the imagery is scattered or disjointed but never random. Most of the time, the imagery is specific and words usually accompany them. But it isn’t uncommon for the imagery or the words to appear without each other. But I always know where they go.

Am I crazy? Give me your definition of ‘crazy’ and I will tell you if you are correct. Normal is so boring. Normal is something everyone is told be so every individual will be easier to handle. Easier to control. That’s why laws exist. That’s why religion exists. I think you need to be brave and a little crazy to be the person you could to be, the person you should be, the person you need to be.

Am I a shaman? Technically, I’m not. But I could be. If I am, does that frighten you? If it does, would knowing that I only access the supernatural and the other-worldly to tell stories, make you feel better? If it still doesn’t, then I’m sorry… we can’t be friends.

Whereas some folks may be riddled with angst and a little fear as a result of hearing voices, I embrace them. It’s easy to play with them. It’s easy to be around them. Sometimes, it’s far more comfortable to be in their presence than being in the presence of actual living breathing human beings.

Let’s be honest, humans are a weird lot. Yeah, we have a brain (sometimes that can be contested), we claim to be intelligent (that’s definitely debatable) and because of that, we have the ability to communicate better than species in the animal kingdom (that’s kinda laughable, to be honest). And we have the ability to access all of our emotions, but we don’t. Okay, some members of humanity seem to issues with that, especially when we’re told to repress them for the sake of not embarrassing others. Yeah, fuck that shit. And now you know one of the reasons I’m more comfortable with the voices or the words I hear in my head than with people.

So, yeah. I’m a fiction writer. It’s the skin I’m most comfortable in, right now. It’s the skin I can call my own. It’s the skin I’m meant to wear. Anybody who says otherwise will get a swift kick in the arse.

Getting into the groove

If you do not have an absolutely clear vision of something, where you can follow the light to the end of the tunnel, then it doesn’t matter whether you’re bold or cowardly, or whether you’re stupid or intelligent. Doesn’t get you anywhere — Werner Herzog

After this coming weekend, my annual spring commitments will have been met and completed. I’ll be free. Free to finish my novel. To run headlong into that light at the end of the tunnel. I may actually stop being acting like hermit and be a little more sociable.

Or not.

Right now, I’m getting back into my writing groove and it feels great. That feeling is addictive. It means my imagination is getting to fire on all cylinders.

As well, on a whim and a little light bulb of an idea, I’ve started working on a series of abstract photographic images using my iPhone. I even have a name for the series — WODLife Abstracts. I’ll work on it when the mood strikes me. I’ll probably be at it for the rest of the year. I’ll only be posting the images on my Instagram account. I don’t plan on doing anything more with the images unless the gym owners think some of the images would be fun to put up on the premises.

Getting back into the groove also means I’ll ruthlessly mow down anyone who tries to disrupt my mojo.

Maybe I should continue being a hermit a little while longer. Best to keep folks safe if I do that.

I might even be more in the mood to listen to dance music and wiggle my ass. I might even be in the mood to go see a movie or two in the theatre or on iTunes. I really want to see You Were Never Really Here, starring Joaquin Phoenix. I hear it’s one hell of a movie. A Quiet Place is pretty tempting, too.

But my boys are calling to me. Well, actually, one has me by the shoulders and the other has me by the hand, making sure I don’t bolt from them as their adventure continues.

Pish. Why would I ever bolt from them? As if I would ever consider that to be a viable option. I have way too much fun with them. My boys know better. They’re just being cheeky.

Well, I gotta bolt… to be with my boys.

New friendships and fun

I had too much fun this past weekend. I got to do things I had been thinking about since I was first introduced to them by my technical advisor for the novel. It’s still being done in the name of research but having a little, or a lot fun, while doing the research is a bonus.

I also got to meet some very interesting people. I wouldn’t be surprised if they popped in and out of my life from now on. Colourful characters and so enthusiastic. It was refreshing I have to admit.

Also got to know my technical advisor’s wife better, too. And she’s pretty fucking awesome. We’ve had short chats before when I had my coffee meetings with my advisor. But this weekend was the first time she and I had a chance to really talk. And she said some wonderful, complimentary things about me and my presence in her husband’s life, and in turn, her life. I didn’t expect to hear those words. And to be honest, I was pretty touched by it. Still am.

It’s going to be great having these two people in my life. They’re good people. I think we’re all on the same wavelength. I mentioned having great chemistry with my advisor in a previous post. That chemistry extends to his wife, as well. I couldn’t have asked for two better people to come into my life than these two.

What I learned, and what was reinforced this weekend, won’t take too much time to absorb and parse out into my writing. It’s about continuing to and constantly laying down the groundwork for future stories. It never stops nor should it ever stop. I know what I want to do for my next project while I develop another idea for a third novel. But these two ideas will have to wait until I’m done with the current project. The summer promises to be busy with the current writing project and with deepening new friendships with folks who feel like I’ve known for a long time.

And now I turn back to my writing, thinking about the stuff I got to do this past weekend. I don’t think of it as a re-energizing of the creative blood that courses through me. I think of it as a reaffirmation that the story I want to tell, is the story I’m meant to tell at this point in my life as an emerging writer. It confirms that the ideas I’ve been thinking about as my next projects, are also the right ones to tackle after the novel becomes a book that you can hold in your hands.