I promise to play nice

Nothing says holidays like a cheese log — Ellen DeGeneres

Christmas is next Monday. And cheese logs are disgusting. Maybe I should be more excited about it. Christmas, I mean. But considering I don’t have children, I don’t have the opportunity to see it through their eyes and experience that child-like wonder about it and re-think the whole concept of Christmas.

I suppose I could be more excited if I had a significant other to share the holiday with. But I doubt that would happen. I’m not a traditionalist in that sense and it wouldn’t make any sense for me to be in a relationship with someone who puts in a lot value into something that strikes me as commercial and a bit capitalist. How much you love someone is equal to how much you spent on their gift. That’s my take on it, so no thanks.

Don’t even get me started on the religious aspect of Christmas. I respect all religions. Just don’t shove it down my throat or I will make sure the last words you say to me will be “You are going to burn in Hell for that.” To which I might reply, “I’ll see you there.”

I’m really not Scrooge. And let’s be honest, Scrooge has nothing on me.

I enjoy the holidays, usually on my terms. If that makes me sound a little inflexible, well… too bad. For me to enjoy the holidays in the company of others (regardless of whether they are friends or family), I have to want to be in their company. Seriously, who wants to be around someone who doesn’t want to be there? Serious killjoy vibes going off and who wants to feel that? And quite frankly, for anyone to tell the person who doesn’t want to be there to loosen up and give it a chance, just doesn’t understand or is at least lacking some empathy for that person. Guilting someone, bullying someone into putting on a happy face for a certain occasion will lead to nothing but grief in the future. Passive-aggressive, anyone?

Yeah, I’m speaking from experience. And this is not just tied to the holidays. It’s tied to expectations laid out by anyone who expects you to put forward your best face at any type of social gathering.

You have no idea how often I’ve wanted to disappear or how often I amused myself with guessing how the person standing in front of me or beside me would die. Like I said, Scrooge has nothing on me.

To be honest, I’d like to reduce the number of times I have to amuse myself with guessing how someone will die. It gets boring and tiresome. Give me lots of room to breath (and I mean LOTS of room) and I’ll be amenable to playing along… unless I really don’t like someone and I don’t care to be in their company.

It hasn’t been bad this past year. I’ll admit there were times where I did not care for the company of others because there were things that needed and demanded my attention, and I was sure as hell, not interested in letting life get in the way.

For 2018, I have one very specific goal I want to complete. And it will entail finding a way to not let life disrupt the pursuit of that goal. So, yes, there will be times I will be distracted or seem anti-social. I’d prefer to be described as laser-focused or hellbent. Actually, hellbent is a good description for me during these times. And if things get a little bumpy, you can call me murderous.

So now that I’ve given you the warning, I’ll be roasting a turkey, something I haven’t done in at least ten years. It’s probably more than ten years. So, why am I doing this now? Because a family member is obsessed with having turkey for Christmas dinner. Is this family member a traditionalist? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know. Am I doing this to keep the peace? Yes. I’m also doing this to cut the wistful whining down to a minimum.

I enjoy cooking but there are far more interesting things to do than cook. I have stories to tell. I have research to do. I want to expose myself to things that inspire me. Right now, cooking is a function and not necessarily a pleasure.

For one day, I just have to cook a turkey and prepare the stuffing and sit with family. As a non-traditionalist kind of person, this is stifling and a bit claustrophobic. I’d rather have the simple pleasure of drinking tea, listening to music and working on my writing.

Yeah, yeah, Christmas comes once a year. Just do it for one day, right? Let me think about it.

Okay, I’ve thought about it. Still doesn’t change how I feel about expectations that are put on me during the holidays or any special occasion for that matter.

But I promise to play nice this Christmas. Well, I’ll try.

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