It’s not too late to develop new friendships or to reconnect with people — Morrie Schwartz
The part about it being never too late to develop new friendships is pretty true. As for the ‘it’s never too late to reconnect with people’, I have to ask which people is Schwartz referring to and in what context was that statement made.
I have a problem with the idea that it’s never too late to reconnect with people.
If you’re talking about living the life of a hermit and it’s detrimental to you, okay, maybe you should put yourself in a social situation and how things fare. There is all this talk about the fear of being lonely or alone or how unhealthy it is to be alone or purposefully single.
Let’s be honest, folks. We’ve been raised or socialized to believe being a lone wolf is not a good idea. Safety in numbers and all that other bullshit. The impression is that living alone, growing old alone sucks. One has to be in a committed relationship in order to avoid that fate. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Nobody grows old alone if you have a great circle of friends. Why is everything reliant on having a spouse?
Anyway, I’ll stop raging at that one because I want to bring something else up.
If you tell me that it’s never too late to reconnect with someone from your past, I will tell you to go fuck yourself. There’s a reason you’ve lost touch with someone. There’s a reason someone isn’t an active part of your life anymore. There’s a reason that someone is now a part of your past. We all have a long list of folks we don’t speak to anymore. I know mine is fucking long.
The friends I have now are the ones I see myself growing old with. And when I say friends, I mean the ones I intrinsically trust. The ones who will take anything I say or confide in, with a grain of salt, a few laughs and a few hugs. They’re the ones I trust with my life.
The ones I hold back from, are not the ones I trust with my life. And there are a couple of reasons for it. First and foremost would be chemistry between myself and the other folks. If we’re not getting along like a house of fire, nothing is going to change that. We can be friendly but never get to the point of being best or true friends. And it’s not all that heartbreaking when you figure it out.
The second reason would be that trust has been broken. Broken beyond repair, I’d say. Yeah, there are all sorts of reasons a friendship is broken. Tons, in fact. If a friendship is broken beyond repair, why would one try to talk the former friend into trying to fix it, let’s say, 20 years after the fact? I sure as hell don’t know. While I abide by the saying ‘Let sleeping dogs lie’, I can’t help but think those mutts are gonna wake up no matter what and they’re gonna be mighty pissed by who they see when they open their eyes.
I believe in moving forward when something has gone to shit and not look back. No point in wallowing any longer than you should. Learn your lessons and get on with living.
I suppose if you’ve learned your lessons and you want to make amends with the person who used to friends with you, based on what you’ve learned about yourself, I guess you should give it a go and try to fix that friendship. However, if the person you want to reconnect with, isn’t all that enthusiastic about the idea, it could be a sign that maybe what you want to happen, will never happen. There is such a thing called ‘trying too hard’ or ‘coming on too strong.’
Theoretically, the idea of fixing a relationship and trying to move forward with it, sounds idealistic and potentially doable. In practice, it’s a whole different ballgame. The whole salvaging a friendship exercise and moving forward only works if BOTH parties are making an honest and real attempt to do that. If that’s not happening, then I think the definition of friendship has to be revisited and if both parties can’t fundamentally agree on the definition, then there will be nothing to salvage. You can’t force a square peg into a round hole. If the process cannot move organically towards to something positive, walk away.
I haven’t had the chance to see if the theory will work in practice for me. But apparently, it’s something I’ll have to engage in somewhere down the road.
Am I looking forward to it? No. Why? Because I already made my decision and nothing will convince me to move forward on something that cannot be fixed. So, why am I doing this? To be nice, I guess. But I also admit to doing it out of sheer curiosity. And I know those are really lame reasons to do this because I’m tired of being nice, I despise the idea of setting aside time to deal with it and I’d rather be curious about things that will actually give me joy.
This reconnecting business isn’t always good. I think it’s shit because there are times where it is too late to reconnect.
Just let sleeping dogs lie.