People pretend to be nice; people pretend to be smooth and polite and everything, but this is only an appearance because the way we’re built as human beings is only in paradox and contradictions — Vincent Cassel
Humans are walking contradictions. We all try to toe the line when it comes to living in any given community and interacting with one another in a socially acceptable manner.
The problem with socially acceptable behaviour is we end up saddled with things that are considered right and things that are considered wrong in an attempt to unify everyone with a community. Sometimes that doesn’t leave room to permit the concept of thinking differently or being different. You can only go outside the box so much before someone is looking at you like you’ve lost your fucking mind and tells you to fall in with the crowd and be ‘normal’… whatever the fuck that means.
It’s interesting to hear those same individuals — the ones who told you fall in line — act nice and polite to someone and then turn around make a rather judgmental or cruel remark about that person once he/she is out of ear-shot. It’s especially interesting when those sour remarks are about someone they know very well… i.e. the kind you have in familial relationships via blood or marriage.
I’ve heard my fair share of those catty and cutting remarks, especially about the superficial. I reached a point some time ago that I really don’t care to hear that shit anymore. Listening to duplicity is tiring. I can’t imagine how tiring it must be to be duplicitous. Whatever happened to the saying “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”? Given the political and social environment the world is mired in right now, anybody who abides by that in some form are outnumbered by those who don’t care and want what’s in their own best self-interest.
‘Selfish’ is a word saddled with negative connotations. A lot of people who are selfish, won’t admit to being selfish. They’ll describe it as something else. Call it entitlement, call it upholding the beliefs you grew up with. Call it whatever.
There are folks who want to be seen as good, who want to curry favour with someone, who want acceptance. They want it so desperately that they will suppress anything they perceive to be negative about themselves. They slip on a mask of goodness, a mask of ‘I belong’… and someone’s definition of perfection.
I’ve seen enough of this behaviour manifest itself in individuals I know/knew very well or care(d) about that it frustrates me to no end. A person’s inability to accept others as they are is a reflection of that person’s inability to accept who they are, to accept what society consider to be character or physical flaws.
There is nothing perfect about human beings. We are capable of love, hate and indifference. We can be snarky, bitchy, whiny, grumpy, angry, cruel. If you want perfection, then being a perfect human being means accepting and embracing your imperfections. Accepting the contradictions that exist within you. It also means accepting and embracing the contradictions that exist within those you love and appreciate.
There is nothing simple about being a human being. I move through my positive and negative emotions and traits like a fish to water. I am more than secure about who I am and who I can never be. Personally, it’s really annoying and soul-draining to deal with individuals who lack the self-awareness to accept who they really are.
If you’re an asshole and you are lucid enough to realize that and be okay with that, then great… be an asshole. Be consistently an asshole. And if you can do that, DO NOT make a big production by declaring to everyone who you think will listen to you that you know you’re asshole. That’s not an example of self-awareness. You’re asking us for permission to be an asshole, to feel sorry for you because you’re a dickhead. You want us to excuse your behaviour.
Honestly, you’re not owning it.
Call me crazy, but I’m pretty true assholes don’t ask for permission for anything. You are an example of an attention seeker. You’re just pretending to be self-aware when you’re not. It’s all lip service. Guess what… you’d be surprised that there are a lot more people than you’d expect who are very aware you deal in lip service.
Just be an asshole. Just be. There’s no need to declare it. Everybody knows already. Newsflash — we’re not stupid.
If it sounds like I’m railing against one particular person, fear not. I’m railing against all the fuckers who I’ve met and had to punt out of my life.
I can deal with the negative aspects of a person’s personality. Knowing right off the hop that you’re a jerk makes it easier to manage my interactions with you. But it doesn’t mean I want to be exposed to that kind of negativity energy for any extended period of time. I know folks who consistently expose themselves to negative energy out of some misguided idea of finding the good in everyone. That kind of masochism is one I do not endorse or encourage.
Being straight with yourself makes it easier to be straight with everybody else.
Believe me, we’ll thank you.