Spinning my wheels

I’m restless. An energy is simmering in me, waiting to boil over. The wheels are spinning but they’re going nowhere.

Sure, I could keep busy with the everyday mundane but necessary bits of life. However, that’s just maintenance.

Maintenance, while necessary, can be really fucking boring. A major non-writing project was completed last Monday. But my commitment to the organization which is connected to the project, isn’t quite done yet. So, I’m in a bit of a limbo waiting for some elements to come my way to finish designing a smaller but final project for them. I’m hoping to be done in a couple of days.

I think I’m restless partly because it’s Spring. Being the transitional season it is, spring gets your brain out of winter to start preparing for summer. The non-writing project, which happens to be an annual gig, also happens to mark that transition for me. It signals that I will soon be free to dive back into the personal projects that ring true to my heart.

But knowing that doesn’t keep me from getting antsy and wanting to break free and run away somewhere with my fictional characters to spend some quality time with them. Well, I’m out of the winter phase, goddammit. And as much as I appreciate spring, I need to be in summer phase, to be in a more unencumbered, productive frame of mind.

The restlessness might also be partly due to some sort of delayed cabin fever. I’m itching to get out of my physical environment and wander off to parts unknown or parts I need to revisit. It’s more than wanting to be in another part of the country. It’s more like needing to be on another part of the continent or the other side of the planet.

Shed the things that want to define me as something I’m not. Get out from under some sort of oppressive weight. I need to be around people who naturally re-energize me. God knows I’m around enough energy-sucking vampires to know I need a break. There aren’t that many vampires around because I kicked a bunch of them out of my life. But the ones that remain can be really trying. We all have those vampires in our lives, right? And sometimes, having a wooden stake just sitting in your hand feels good, right?

This is what happens when I don’t spend enough time with my writing. Everything feels oppressive and I’m close to climbing the walls.

As you can see, I need to re-direct the restlessness and refocus. I need to get back to the writing process. That’s what it will take for me to settle down and feel grounded.

I’m tugging on the restraints big time and my characters are sorely tempted to grab a pair of bolt cutters and free me. But I’ve told them to wait a little longer. They actually do listening when they’re not barreling around like mad lunatics vying for my attention.

Soon, everything will fall away. Soon, everything will fall into place.

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