Spinning my wheels

I’m restless. An energy is simmering in me, waiting to boil over. The wheels are spinning but they’re going nowhere.

Sure, I could keep busy with the everyday mundane but necessary bits of life. However, that’s just maintenance.

Maintenance, while necessary, can be really fucking boring. A major non-writing project was completed last Monday. But my commitment to the organization which is connected to the project, isn’t quite done yet. So, I’m in a bit of a limbo waiting for some elements to come my way to finish designing a smaller but final project for them. I’m hoping to be done in a couple of days.

I think I’m restless partly because it’s Spring. Being the transitional season it is, spring gets your brain out of winter to start preparing for summer. The non-writing project, which happens to be an annual gig, also happens to mark that transition for me. It signals that I will soon be free to dive back into the personal projects that ring true to my heart.

But knowing that doesn’t keep me from getting antsy and wanting to break free and run away somewhere with my fictional characters to spend some quality time with them. Well, I’m out of the winter phase, goddammit. And as much as I appreciate spring, I need to be in summer phase, to be in a more unencumbered, productive frame of mind.

The restlessness might also be partly due to some sort of delayed cabin fever. I’m itching to get out of my physical environment and wander off to parts unknown or parts I need to revisit. It’s more than wanting to be in another part of the country. It’s more like needing to be on another part of the continent or the other side of the planet.

Shed the things that want to define me as something I’m not. Get out from under some sort of oppressive weight. I need to be around people who naturally re-energize me. God knows I’m around enough energy-sucking vampires to know I need a break. There aren’t that many vampires around because I kicked a bunch of them out of my life. But the ones that remain can be really trying. We all have those vampires in our lives, right? And sometimes, having a wooden stake just sitting in your hand feels good, right?

This is what happens when I don’t spend enough time with my writing. Everything feels oppressive and I’m close to climbing the walls.

As you can see, I need to re-direct the restlessness and refocus. I need to get back to the writing process. That’s what it will take for me to settle down and feel grounded.

I’m tugging on the restraints big time and my characters are sorely tempted to grab a pair of bolt cutters and free me. But I’ve told them to wait a little longer. They actually do listening when they’re not barreling around like mad lunatics vying for my attention.

Soon, everything will fall away. Soon, everything will fall into place.

Taking risks

Creative risk taking is essential to success in any goal where the stakes are high. Thoughtless risks are destructive, of course, but perhaps even more wasteful is thoughtless caution which prompts inaction and promotes failure to seize opportunity — Gary Ryan Blair

As an artist — be it writer, painter, musician — creative risk taking is essential if you want to grow regardless of how high the stakes may or may not be. Figuring out how to do something is one thing. Taking what you’ve learned and throwing yourself into something that allows you to use that skill set in something you haven’t experienced before, is altogether exciting and terrifying.

In my own little way, I’ve always been a risk taker. Not the kind that puts you in mortal danger, unless you consider horseback riding life-threatening. I’m referring to the kind that takes you out of your comfort zone, where you discover something new about yourself.

Someone once joyfully (and I mean that in the most positive way) described me as having a reckless confidence. Reckless, not thoughtless. There’s a difference. In all my time here on this blue planet, no one had ever described me that way. I can be a lot of things. And I know I have been described as a lot of things. And I own all of it. And I really love owning reckless confidence.

Anyway, the risk taker in me has always been there. It only shows up when an opportunity or idea (good and bad) seizes my attention. I’d like to think these days that the opportunities or ideas are more good than bad. I’ve had my share of bad ideas when I was younger.

Without a doubt, my risk taking has unnerved some family members and friends. But only because they’re looking out for me. More often than not, my risk taking is a source of entertainment for these folks (my friends, in particular)… once I get around to informing them about what I’ve done.

Writing has allowed me, and is allowing me, to creatively take risks. Writing has opened doors to opportunities and interesting ideas that would have never appeared if I was doing something else.

The latest risk (it’s more of a challenge, quite honestly) which is to try screenwriting has me excited. I’ve been reading up on the subject, doing a little research and finding valuable resources before I start barreling into it, before I have to figure out how to juggle two writing projects. This isn’t a case of finish one and start on the other. Something tells me I need to work on both of them concurrently.

As I do the research, I sincerely believe working on the screenplay will only enhance my work as a novelist. That is exciting to me. I live for this kind of shit. I can’t wait to go through the process. Could be one helluva ride. It will definitely add to, and sharpen my skill set. It will make me a better writer, a better storyteller.

Start up the rollercoaster. Let’s go!

The future is now

I like to begin every screenplay with a burst of delusional self-confidence. It tends to fade pretty quickly, but (for me, at least) there doesn’t seem to be any other way to start writing a script — Michael Arndt

What have I gotten myself into?

Just when I thought I could get back to working on my writing project and get back to my two lead characters (the ‘boys’) after completing a non-related commitment, I find myself with another writing project.

This one is courtesy of the monthly-ish writing group get-together that was held on Saturday. Everyone in the group has been instructed to work on something of their choice, something short — it could be a short story, short non-fiction, short genre-of-your-choice — whatever you want as long as it’s short. This is a project we will be working on over the next five or six (or is it four or five?) workshops. The aim is to have something publishable at the end, or at least be on your way to creating something you can publish.

Everyone has been given their marching orders. Each project is as different and varied as the individuals in the group.

So, what’s my marching order? Develop a screenplay for a short film. Yeah, you read that correctly. A screenplay for a short film. And maybe get it produced.

What have I gotten myself into?

My mentor had the screenplay idea pop up in his head last week. He thought it was something I could sink my teeth into, given my skill set and my tendency to think cinematically when I write.

Truthfully, I’m not going into this kicking and screaming. It’s always been something I knew I would eventually tackle. And before my mentor mentioned that I should try writing a screenplay, the idea had been running around in my mind more often than it should have in recent weeks. It’s something I honestly believe will play a role in what I do in the future.

Apparently, the future is now. Man, it sneaks up on you like a little bratty shit.

I have research to do for the screenplay which is on top of the research I’m already doing for my main writing project. I’m not sure if there are enough hours in the day to do what I need to do.

Two words come to mind. Time management.

I do have an idea for the screenplay. It’s only been shared with the writing group as a one sentence description followed by an explanation of the idea’s origin. In the 48 hours since the workshop, it has evolved with more details. I still need to flush it out further before I can start writing. So now, the writing group is in the dark about how the idea they heard at the workshop will turn into a screenplay. Nobody knows what the story will be except for my best friend. I haven’t told her what it will be but she’ll find out soon enough.

I admit that I’m a little stumped as to how I can juggle two writing projects at the same time. They are two different styles of writing, two different ways of thinking although I think they compliment each other. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to stretch my creative brain and imagination in this way. I do believe my fiction writing projects will benefit in the long run with the introduction of screenwriting. How could it not?

So now, I have a novel and the makings of a screenplay staring at me. Splitting time between the two is going to be interesting. As it stands, the boys from the novel are a little miffed at the thought of having to share me with the three characters from the screenplay. Well… they might be more than a little miffed. After all, it had been just me and the boys. They’ve enjoyed monopolizing my attention. Maybe a little too much.

Now it seems they are a tad jealous and worried about losing my attention. I get the feeling there might be a donnybrook in the near future between my boys and the screenplay characters. I can tell you the two females from the screenplay can handle themselves and are quite capable of playing dirty when necessary. They are very aware the boys play rough. They’re evenly matched but I have a funny feeling the boys would win with only the skin of their teeth.

Regardless, the donnybrook cannot happen. I have to figure out how to keep everyone — and that includes me — happy.

Oh man, it looks like I’ll be busy for the rest of the year with the two writing projects. This is going to be crazy. But I have a funny feeling I’m going to love it because that’s how I roll.

What have I gotten myself into?